Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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