She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
