Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
