Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
