he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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