if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
