TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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