My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
