so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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