The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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