just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
