Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize