I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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