You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
