Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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