i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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