who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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