Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
