Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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