I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
