I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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