don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
