But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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