I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
