Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
