I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
