just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
