Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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