But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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