my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
