please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
