He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
