Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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