Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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