ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
