Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize