Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
