what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
