u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize