the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry about my life...
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