Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
