Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
