She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
