Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
