when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
