My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So. Much. Porn.
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