Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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