$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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