and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize