His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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