I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
