You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
