just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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