do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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