he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
