dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
