bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
