I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
