i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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