I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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