i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
a search helicopter?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
