why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
