"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
