My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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