Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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