I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize