The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
