I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we're so committed to being not committed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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