We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
