like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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