wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
