So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
